isolation

made a list today.

people i know who are on harmony:

• sarah (since november)
• mike (since late december)
• my mom (since late december)
• my downstairs neighbor
• the entire staff at my coffee shop
• my dentist
• at least 10 people from my AIM contacts who've mentioned it
• sarah's sister
• mike's roommate
• the guy who does my taxes

people i know who AREN'T on harmony:

• me
• conspiracy coffee shop guy
• ???

i can't think of anyone else.

tried to hang out with sarah today. we got coffee (different coffee shop, the usual one feels weird now) and i tried to have a real conversation about how i've been feeling isolated lately.

she listened. she was supportive. she said all the right things.

but it felt like she was reading from a script.

i miss my best friend.

except she's sitting right there. she's just... not there.

i don't know how to explain it.

went home and cried for like an hour. then felt stupid for crying. then cried more because i felt stupid.

this is fine. everything is fine. i'm fine.